Nov 4, 2015

Inside Out

*** Spoiler Alert!!! If you haven't seen the movie Inside Out go watch it and then come back and read this!! You have been warned :) ***

We watched the Disney Pixar movie Inside Out tonight. I thought that it was a pretty good movie! Then I started thinking about the movie on a deeper level.

We watched the movie with our 3 year old and when it was over my first thought was, 
"Well, that was a great way to show or explain emotions to a child and that it's okay to feel joy, sadness, anger, fear and disgust. But they all have their time and place."
Then my next thought was that I really liked how they showed that you can't really feel or experience true joy without feeling sadness as well. That the two are connected and they should work together for us to be able to truly experience joy. That all emotions can work in tandem with each to create amazing memories! Not all memories are just one emotion. They are two or more emotions mixed together.

Then as I lay snuggling Little Man at bed time, my mind started thinking about the movie even more. I started thinking about show she moved from Minnesota to California. How she had all these 'core memories' from her childhood that what made her who she was or who she was going to be. How the move affected those memories and in essence she lost them. Then after allowing herself to experience ALL the emotions that come from moving, she was able to develop and create new 'core memories' and in a way redesign who she is and who she will become. And all of that reflecting got me thinking about when I moved.

I moved when I was 2, 10, and 17. The last moved changed me. And after watching Inside Out, I think I can finally understand how and why I changed.

It was my senior year of high school. I had been involved in a ton of extracurricular activities (marching band/flag twirling, show choir, symphonic choir, TA-ing Freshmen choir, drama). I was in the running to be president for captain of a few of those activities. I had a plan. I knew who I was. I was out-going. I was the Mormon girl everyone 'protected'. I was a good listener. A friend. I had plans to be a choir teacher. I had plans to mentor. I was confident. I was strong. I had good grades. I worked hard. I had just about everything going for me that I could have ever wanted!

I moved from Ohio to Montana.

It was like digressing several years in my education and skill level. (Not to be rude.) The music that I was singing in Ohio in high school was collegiate level. When we moved, I was singing songs I had preformed in middle school. In Ohio I was in Honors English. In Montana, they put me in regular English and I had already read all of the books they were assigning for the year. In Ohio, I was 4 credits shy of graduating. In Montana, I was half a credit shy of graduating and had already taken all of the elective classes they had available. They had no flag twirling squad. There was no opportunity to keep pursing, what I thought was my dream, of becoming a choir teacher.

I honestly felt lost and alone. I have a handful of friends that were amazing and helped me get through my senior year. But I still felt lost. I didn't know who I was anymore. It was like all of my 'core memories' had been lost. Everything that I had known, everything that I had developed and learned was gone. No longer available. I didn't feel confident, strong or out-going anymore.

Over the years I have changed. I have developed new 'core memories'. Ones that as I look back and think about my life before the move, I would have never found or discovered. I have 'core memories' that have developed me into the woman, wife, mother and daughter of God that I am today.

When my parents told me that we were moving, they told me that they felt like one of the reasons we were moving was for me. They didn't know why or how, they just asked me to pray about it too. So I did. We... I, had to come to Montana.

There are times that I feel like if I had stayed I would have been amazing and had it all!! But then I look at my husband and my sweet son... my little family... and I wouldn't have traded moving for the world!!

Sometimes we need to loose our 'core memories' and start over. Sometimes we are on a good path, but it may not be the best path for who we are to become. We need to trust in the Lord's timing and realize that it will all work out. Eventually!

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